Room With a View/Happy Easter

As I sit here enjoying the breathtaking view of the Columbia River from our hotel, I am in awe of God's beauty in this part of the country. Steve and I are in Stevenson, Washington for a business/pleasure trip and we are staying at the Skamania Lodge, which is a resort located 45 minutes from Portland, Oregon. It is nestled in the Columbia River Gorge National Park and Scenic area. We arrived here late last night in the dark so we couldn't see the scenery until this morning. I was in complete wonder and astonishment as I opened the curtains and saw the clouds rising up from the beautiful river against the backdrop of the mountains and pine trees. The lyrics from the song Holy Is The Lord sung by Chris Tomlin instantly came to my mind. . . ."It is rising up all around, it's the anthem of the Lord's renown. . .Holy is the Lord God Almighty. . .the earth is filled with His glory. . ."

There is also a mist and slight drizzle in the atmosphere. The grass and trees are very lush and green and the daffodils, tulips, azaleas, and rhododendrens are blooming. As we look below us, we see an occassional golfer on the golf course below us and a train passing by on the track between the trees. It is a little cold and cloudy here but the atmosphere reminds me of the weather in Scotland. Every now and then the sun tries to peek out through the clouds. I even saw a rainbow! My soul is just bursting and overflowing as I sense God's presence here.

"We stand and lift up our hands
For the joy of the Lord is our strength
We bow down and worship Him now
How great, how awesome is He. . ." (More lyrics from Holy Is The Lord)

I am writing this as I sit in the lobby of the hotel next to a huge fireplace and am just taking it all in. It is so peaceful and serene. I can hear the crackling of the fireplace (it smells wonderful, too!) and the different hotel sounds such as people talking or walking down the hall, sounds of the wheels turning on suitacases being rolled across the floor, Steve's computer keys clicking as he works, doors opening and closing, newspapers and magazine pages rustling, etc. This is truly the day which the Lord has made and I will rejoice and be glad in it. And the day is only beginning! What other surprises does God have in store for me today? My heart is excited about the possibilities that this day holds. I am thankful and blessed and ready for anything that happens or comes my way. I am thankful that I can see, think, and HEAR. I am alive. I am filled with thanksgiving and praise for the gift of this new day!

Yesterday was Easter. Words cannot express the joy I felt at the Sunrise Service yesterday morning at church. It was dark when the service started but I was able to understand what was being said and sung. I heard a bird singing as the sun came up and I found it sitting on top of a light pole. This was my first Easter hearing the sounds of Easter morning. Later, as the choir sang the "Hallelujah Chorus" there were tears in my eyes. So beautiful. So lovely. I know that my Redeemer lives! God saved me and rescued me from the grave with His Son, Jesus Christ. He gave me life and gives me my joy. I will praise Him forever and ever. Amen!

Six Months of Sound

"As long as I live, I'll hear waterfalls, birds, and winds sing." John Muir

It has been six months since my CI activation. It is also the first day of spring. I continue to make small but steady improvements. I'm still experiencing CI moments, which remind me how much progress I've made this past year.

I really, truly do love hearing the birds singing! Yesterday morning when Steve woke me up for church, I wasn't quite ready to get up yet. He told me that the birds were singing. I asked him to bring my processor to me and open the windows even though it was 40 degrees outside. I just laid there in our bed for about 20 minutes listening to them. What a glorious sound that was and is for me. This is my FIRST spring hearing them! I'm anxious to hear more of the different birds as they return to our area. Using my bird identifyer sound cards, I am trying to distinguish between the different bird calls. I hear the sparrows, titmice, robins, and cardinals. Most of the time I hear many birds all at once.

I also have a new phone and I love it. In January, Susie, my audiologist, gave me a form for a captioned telephone called CapTel. It is availabe to deaf and hard of hearing persons in states that offer CapTel Captioning Service with their relay services. The hearing disability section has to be verified and signed by a qualified audiologist or specialist. It is free for Tennessee residents but I don't know about the other states. I filled out the form, mailed it in and forgot about it. The phone came earlier this month and I've been using ever since! I use it mainly to check voice mail (which is wonderful because I don't have to wait until someone is home to check it for me) and to make appointments. The CapTel phone allows a caller to hear the other person AND read the text at the same time. A relay operator automatically picks up and is invisible in the background coding the captions on the phone and I can read it as well as hear it. It is great phone practice for me. But, there are a few drawbacks associated with it. One is that when someone calls me, the captions will not work unless they call a toll-free number. So, if you want to call me at home, call 1-877-243-2823 and then enter our home area code and phone number. Another drawback is when I make a call, there is a delay between the spoken voice and captions. So, I try not to rely on the captions. I can look at them if I miss a word or sentence or if someone talks too much or too fast. Also, the phone is hooked up to our land line and has lots of static. Steve says we have a "dirty" line and has trouble with it, too. I hear better with my cell phone but don't have captioning there. To read more about Captel, you can go to the CapTel website.

Last Friday I had lunch with my friend, Susan Underwood (her blog is on the right under Susan's Journey to Sound). I met her a year ago and feel like we have been friends forever. We met at a Chinese restaurant and talked for two hours! It is so nice to be able to talk to another friend who understands the every day struggles and triumphs of cochlear implants. She and I both need new "maps" on our processors this spring so we are going to make a "girls' day" out of it and go together to try a new audiologist that is about two hours away. We'll do lunch and get mapped! Not your normal idea of a girls' day out but will still be special. We also have another CI friend, Lydia, who may be interested in coming with us, too. Lydia was one of the first people to receive a cochlear implant in Knoxville 11 years ago and is sooooo sweet! In a year's time, I have met and made acquaintances with more deaf and hard of hearing persons online and in person. Another new CI friend is Suzie in BC (her blog is on the right, too) and we stay in touch through emails. She has had a difficult time with her CI experience and my heart breaks for her. She was reimplanted with her CI today and is embarking on a new beginning. I am thinking good thoughts for her! (Have you noticed that I have three new friends named Susie, Susan, and Suzie???!!!)

In closing, take time to listen to the birds of spring. "A bird does not sing because it has an answer. It sings because it has a song." ~Chinese Proverb

What Is On My Plate?

Several people have asked me what food is on the plate that I am holding in my picture. That picture was taken at one of the best Latin American restaurants called El Meson in Dayton, Ohio last summer when I visited with my brother, Doug. My food was just too pretty to eat! El Meson is his favorite restaurant and they have a different specialty every month. I ordered "Carapulca" (car-a-pull-ca): Medallions of pork tenderloin aji panca, papas seca, peanuts, cilantro, and port. Side dishes were: arroz a la peruviana (white rice with corn), Pur'e de pallares (pureed lima beans with cheese), and ensalada (salad). It was absolutely delicious. Everyone at our table ordered something different and we took turns tasting each other's food, enjoying appetizers, and drinking mojitos! If you travel to the Dayton area, you will have to check out El Meson. It will be an experience you will not forget!

Now I'm getting hungry writing all this!

The Oven Timer

I love to cook. Cooking has always been enjoyable for me, whether it is trying new recipes or cooking for my family and friends. But, every now and then I managed to burn or overcook food because I could not hear the oven timer go off. It was always too quiet or soft and someone would have to shout at me to go turn it off. When my CI was first activated, you'll remember the confusion I had between the dishwasher and oven timer when I heard it the first time (I was running the dishwasher and thought the beeping of the oven timer was a dish clicking in the dishwasher.) Now I know what it sounds like but still needed to stay close by in the kitchen to hear it go off. Last night I was making rice on the stove and went in the family room to watch TV for a little bit. I kept hearing a beeping noise while I was scanning the TV for movies to watch and realized that it was the timer. I heard it from the other room! Now my next step is to be able to hear it from upstairs. I'm finding that I am more aware of certain sounds without even trying to listen to them.

I went to the eye doctor earlier this week to have my eyes checked. I've noticed that my vision has changed this past year. While sitting in the room in the chair waiting for the doctor to come in, I heard the clock ticking on the wall. It was the only sound in room. Before, the room would have been silent for me. Not anymore. I experimented with my processor and went from program to program to see if I could hear the clock ticking on all of them. I only heard the clock in P1 (Whisper) and P2 (Autosensitivity) but did not hear it in P3 (my program with no options) or P4 (Background). After that discovery I've been keeping my processor on P2 most of the time. That may be why I picked up the oven timer sound. Before, I would spend most of my day on P3 or P4 but apparently those two programs are not letting me hear some of the quieter sounds. Like my experience at the dentist office, I was able to respond to the eye doctor's questions in the dark without having to look at him.

I haven't heard anything yet from Dr. Merwin about going bilateral. But, I did read something interesting (and it was posted today) and would like to share it with my readers. I follow several other CI blogs and just happened to read Michael Chorost's entry for today about going bilateral. Click on his link to the right of this blog and read his March 4th entry. He could very well be telling my story. (His book is WONDERFUL.) I've made several friends online who have cochlear implants and it amazes me how much we are so alike and yet so different in our hearing experiences. But we all want the same results with our CI's - better hearing. The more I think and meditate about going bilateral, the more it makes sense. God gave us two eyes, two legs, two arms, and two ears for a reason. For example, I need a new prescription for my eyes. We are not going to just replace the lens in one eye. It only makes sense to do both. So, why not fix "two ears?" So, I will keep praying and waiting on God. We are so fearfully and wonderfully made and I know that He will answer my prayer in His time. I will wait and "listen". . .

"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." Hebrews 11:1

Dogwood Winter

Hello from Tennessee where the weather cannot make up its mind! Spring has arrived in the foothills of the Smokies. The daffodils. crocuses, pansies, forsythia, and early spring trees are blooming and the grass is starting to turn green. Soon it will be time to mow. We've had some nice warm days but it will get cold again this weekend. Dogwood Winter. I worked in the yard the other day after work and planted three rose bushes in the bed that I created for them last fall. I hope the cold weather doesn't hurt them or the stuff that is already blooming. The best part about all this is the BIRDS! They are singing, chirping, making clicking noises, and flapping their wings and I absolutely love hearing them. I will crack our bedroom or kitchen window open in the mornings no matter how cold it is just so I can hear them. Steve and I bought some bird feeders a few weeks ago to bring them closer to the house. Now if I could only figure out which bird makes which sound. . .I do have a couple of sound cards with different birds to listen to that Susie, my audiologist gave me for practice. I took Riga for a walk yesterday morning and never heard them make such a racket! They were everywhere. So far we have robins, cardinals, doves, goldfinches, titmouses (or is it titmice?), and sparrows.

Music is getting more enjoyable. I've returned to playing in the handbell choir at church and love hearing them again. That has always been the one thing I could do in church related to music (other than liturgical dance and signing to songs.) I can now hear the higher bells, which I didn't hear before. I always heard the lower ones around me. (I play B and Middle C). The melodies are more complete and clear. I found an awesome website with a beautiful handbell choir and wept at my computer when I heard them play. Go to Raleigh Ringers, click on Gallery, and then video or audio. Beautiful music.

I also went to choir practice a few weeks ago just to see what it was like. Steve sings in the choir and looks forward to it because it is such a worship experience. I sat in the choir loft, hooked up my lapel microphone to another gal who sings alto and just listened. (I think I made her nervous but Steve said she was the best one to listen to! Thank you, Rhonda!) I'd like to learn how to sing. But, "church" music doesn't sound right to me yet. It is just noise. There is too much "competition" between the voices and instruments and I don't know what to listen for. (Susie did say that that churches are usually very bad acoustically. The people who run sound booths in churches and public places are not always familiar with the techniques of balancing and equalizing the sounds of music.) I'm still not comfortable exposing my "singing voice." I'm hoping to take voice lessons someday soon.

Last weekend, my Aunt Miriam and Uncle Clarence came for their annual spring visit to our house. They were on their way home to Ohio after spending a month in Florida. We always look forward to their visits. On Saturday night we went to the high school musical, "The Sound of Music", where Marissa sang in the "nun" choir. We sat right up in front and it was a wonderful production. I can remember seeing "The Sound of Music" for the first time in a movie theatre years ago as a young teenager and sitting next to my mother. She spent most of her time during the movie making sure I knew what was going on. I'll never forget that. I've seen it several times since then and have always loved the music. So, it was an enjoyable evening to see and hear it again.

In auditory therapy this week we worked on "m" and "n's". Those are hard. But, I understand that m & n's are difficult for normal hearing people, too. It will just take a little longer for me to
"get it." In my quiet time the other morning I was thinking about how the mind works and how it affects our thoughts, words, and every aspect of our lives. The mind is like a chip in a computer or a tape in a tape recorder. That information is stored permanently. That is why A/V therapy is so important for persons like me who have been implanted with cochlear implants. Sounds need to be "imprinted" in the mind and brain that haven't been heard before. And one who has never heard a certain sound has to hear it three times as much as a normal hearing person.

Having children, I've learned that they never forget anything! I'm always amazed at what they can remember that I've forgotten long ago. God did something great and wonderful when He created our minds and brains. He made us so that every experience and thought that we've ever had is forever recorded inside of us. Yes, as we get older it is easy to forget stuff but if we look deeper we can recall experiences that have been forgotten deep inside of us. Which brings me to my thought that I had this week. I'm working so hard with my CI to "imprint" my mind and brain with new sounds. This is true with my faith as well. I can choose to have good things or bad things enter my being. I will exercise positive faith and positive thoughts by imagining and picturing the results that I expect to achieve. It is so important to be consciously aware of what I will allow to be "imprinted" forever in my mind and memory. Just take a look at the people around you who are committed in their faith and walk with God. You will notice that their actions are related to their positive thoughts. Life is what we do with it and how we filter the thoughts that come through our minds every day. We have a choice and can decide what we are going to let enter in. We can choose positive or negative, good or evil, right or wrong, productive or counter-productive, healthy or unhealthy and so on. I am so thankful that we have a God that teaches us the power of faith. He is alive. He is there even if we do not feel His presence. He is constantly guiding us with positive thoughts to keep us focused on our Christian walk.

"Finally, brothers (and sisters), whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy- think about such things." Phillippians 4:8

Just Going to the Dentist, the Movie, the Store...

It has been awhile since I posted something for my readers. I've been busy listening! I recently went to the dentist to have my teeth cleaned. This was my first visit since my CI surgery and I heard some new and different sounds in the dentist office. I heard the sound of the dentist's drill in the other room, the "beep beep" of the signal lights, people talking, the doorbell ringing every time the front door was opened, and the sounds of the different machines. The best part was being able to listen and understand the hygenist talking to me as she cleaned my teeth. She asked me questions and gave instructions with a mask over her face while I laid in the chair. I heard her tell me what she was going to do next, if I wanted bubble gum or mint flavor, when to suction and spit, etc. She didn't have to turn around and take off her mask every time she needed to communicate with me. And I understood everything she said. I could also understand her talking to the dentist as he checked my teeth. I never liked being in the dentist chair because I felt so isolated when I couldn't hear or understand what was going on around me. And, I used to work as a dental assistant many years ago!

Since my appointment, I have called them on the phone three times to make or change appointments for me and Marissa. They must think I'm crazy and just like to call them. This is the first time I have attempted to deal with appointments without the relay service and I am able to understand almost every word that is being said. (I'm getting the most important parts anyway, and ask for repeats if I need to.) I also called the hair salon that I go to and set up my next appointment all by myself. Wow. That is progress. Before I got my CI, I never dreamed that I would be able to use the phone with ease. I had almost zero discrimination on the phone with my hearing aids. Now I am pleased and surprised that I can hear someone on the other end without too much effort. Next step is to be able to handle phone calls with my coworkers at work. Our phone guy is trying to find some headphones that would be compatible with our phone system and software.

I've also been listening to audio books and find that them enjoyable. After struggling, moving, and setting up my "boom box" CD player the first time, I realized that I could listen to my audio books with my computer. Better yet, I downloaded them to my iPod and carry it wherever I go. (Thank you Brad, Marissa, Jason and Chris!) I got Maria Shriver's audio book "And One More Thing Before You Go" (because I already had the book) and she speaks very articulately and very clearly. I've listened to it several times because I want to be able to hear what she is talking about without having to look at the book. It gets easier every time. Now I am listening to "The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe" by C.S. Lewis and I love it! The narrator is also very good and easy to understand. I'm listening to my books in the car, during lunch, and while I exercise. I need all the practice I can get.

A couple of weekends ago Steve and I saw the movie, "Memoirs of a Geisha" and that was a mistake. The movie was in a gloomy setting and had lots of narration in it with hardly any lips to read so I did not enjoy it. Even if there were lips to read, the screen was too dark. I'm trying hard to enjoy movies because Steve likes them so much but I still prefer to watch them at home with close captioning. I wish movie theatres were more accommodating to their hearing impaired patrons. Even if they are, they don't do a good job of advertising options that are available.

Another new and special hearing moment for me happens while I'm out shopping at the grocery or department store. As I unload groceries from my cart or dig into my purse I can hear clerks talking to me and asking if I want my milk in a bag, if I want cash back, if I'm paying with a debit card or credit card, and to have a nice day without having to read their lips or look at them. And I'm able to reply back without missing a beat. I am making small progress every single day. So many people think that having a CI is like having a new and improved hearing aid. Just put it on and hear everything. It is not that way at all. A person gets a cochlear implant because a hearing aid does not allow them to hear anymore. I have to learn to use it. It takes much work and time to get mapped correctly to fit my personal "hearing fingerprint." I have to listen to strange and weird sounds until my brain gets used to it and to go to audio/verbal therapy to learn to hear sounds that I haven't heard before and to hear them correctly, etc. Had therapy this past week and worked on my s, sh, and z sounds. I'm getting there but learning to hear those sounds without lipreading takes much patience and willpower. It is different, difficult and frustrating at times. But, I know it is the best therapy I can have. In the beginning I did not think I needed therapy. Now I cannot live without it. At work we have an intercom system that pages certain departments or people on the phone. Every time I hear "Loan Officer One Oh One" (for 101) it sounds like "Try not to slip 101!" Maybe I need a better map or need to train my brain to hear it correctly!

I'm also noticing that I hear differently at times on my CI side from my hearing aid side and am able to localize sounds better. When I mentioned it to Steve, he said that I was probably hearing in "stereo." My audiologist said the same thing, too. Wow. I've never "heard" in stereo before. The brain is an amazing thing and just takes over. That brings me back to the thought of going bilateral someday. I cannot help but wonder if having two ears implanted would round out this great and wonderful gift of hearing for me. If you think about it, people with normal hearing like to put speakers in their living rooms, family rooms, and cars so they can have "surround sound." I'd like to have that, too, if it is possible. I found a group this week online that files appeals against insurance companies that have refused to cover single and bilateral cochlear implants. It is called The Let Them Hear Foundation’s Advocacy Center. It is an interesting and helpful program, offered free of charge to anyone in the United States. So far they have a perfect record: they’ve contested 63 denials and overturned every single one of them. I'll have to keep them in mind if our insurance company turns down my doctor's letter and request for a second implant.

Several of my friends have commented lately that my personality is different these days and that I am smiling more. I am still "me" and still look the same on the outside. But, inside it feels as if someone has flipped a switch and "turned on the light." That someone is God. The future ahead is bright with good things to come. Every morning I wake up and put on my CI and am grateful and thankful that I can hear as well as I do now. God is so very good. I'll close this entry with the words to a favorite childhood song. . .

"This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine. This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine, let it shine, let it shine!" Let your light shine before all people and share it! Love, Hugs, and Blessings to you from me.

Going Bilateral?

I am doing so well with just one CI and keeping thinking how nice it would be if I had a CI on the other side. Would two be better than one? That is one of the questions that I've been pondering and praying about lately. I love being able to hear as well as I do now but would like to hear better with my unimplanted ear and be more balanced. I'm doing good and still making slow but steady progress with my CI. Yesterday, I had an appointment with Dr. Merwin about getting my other ear implanted. When he walked in the room he asked me why I was there. . . I told him I just wanted to see my favorite surgeon again! He just smiled and chuckled at me. He is thrilled that the implant surgery was successful and commented on the improved clarity and tone in my voice and speech. We talked for a little bit and then I told him my real reason for being there and expressed my desire to go bilateral. I asked him what the chances were of having my other ear implanted. He surprised me by saying that he has not done a bilateral implant yet because most insurance companies still consider them experimental, including ours. He wanted to do some testing before we proceeded any further with the appointment. His audiologist did a speech and language assessment with my hearing with my CI and HA together. I still qualified for a CI even with my implant. My HINT (Hearing In Noise Test) score was 42% and the criteria for a cochlear implant is 50% or less. Dr. Merwin plans to present my case to the insurance company and will write a letter but it will take a few weeks for him to do that. He said that Cochlear would have some ideas on how to write a good letter. He is very interested and agreed with me that it is worth a try but did not want to encourage me too much. I told him that I understood. I shared with him that Steve and I have always told our children that if they don't try something, they'll always wonder and have regrets. So, it is my turn to follow our own advice. I know it will take a while but I'm not in a big hurry this time. I also surprised him by telling him that I would be interested in being an "experiment" if something new came up. He told me that I should write to Cochlear myself and let them know that. I wish I had done better with my HINT at 42% but the therapist was hard for me to understand and talked too fast. I KNOW I would have done better with my own therapist but this is a test I need to fail to still qualify. I don't think they like to test their patients very hard. But, I'm up 42% from 0%, which is better than what I had before. I might have Susie redo the HINT test just for my own benefit to see if my score is better with her. I know I am understanding more than 42%. I'm still finding it hard to understand speech without lipreading sometimes because I'm learning like a baby, from scratch. But, by relaxing and taking one day at a time, it will only get better. I just need to keep working at it and be patient.

I have several reasons for wanting another CI. My thinking is that if I can do well with one, two would be better. I'd like to have "surround sound" and better sound localization . It is also a safety issue with me. It would be helpful to be able to figure out which direction a siren or traffic is coming from, for example. Right now, when I hear a sound or person and don't know where it is, I have to take a few seconds to find it. By the time I locate it, I've missed something. That would not be a problem with a second CI. Also, when the batteries in my CI die (there is little warning), I wouldn't have to stop what I'm doing to change the batteries while I'm driving, having a normal conversation, talking on the phone, giving a speech or presentation, or something like that. In addition, when on the phone, it would be nice to be able to hear my voice and and still know what is going on around me with the other ear or be able to block it out, whichever meets my needs at the time. Another reason would be for improved speech perception. Having two CI's would give that extra "oomph" that I need and may even sound more like "normal" hearing. I think two CI's would improve my hearing, especially in difficult listening environments. Besides, the right ear is for music and the left ear is for voices. The brain puts these two together and processes them.

Should my other ear be saved for future developments? At my age, life is too short to wait. My right ear will never get better or improve on its own. It would be great to get rid of the hearing aid and not have to worry about ear molds or feedback anymore, either. Sounds like a lame excuse but feedback makes me self conscious. I have to be careful when I smile because the ear changes its shape when my jawbone and facial muscles move and the sound leaks through the ear mold. I've had several embarrassing moments and feedback can be annoying to other people, especially me, now that I can hear it with my CI. I have realized that life is not going to come to me. I just have to meet the challenges as they come, take a deep breath, step out in faith, and say, "Here I am, all of me."